This is my first Christmas holiday without my mom and I am feeling like I am on an emotional roller coaster. Thanksgiving felt like an atomic bomb, Christmas is here and I am realizing that the pain doesn’t go away but it gets easier to cope with it. If you are dealing with the holiday blues here is a short list of things to consider “not to do.”
Disclaimer: I am working through my process but would like to share my journey.
- Don’t... Spend time with people who complain. This will turn out to be a pity party that ends with runny mascara and more hurt. Instead spend time with people who understand what you’re going through and can pray you through, encourage you or make you laugh.
- Don’t…pick up old habits such as smoking, eating, drinking, etc. I found myself eating excessively, feeling lazy and isolating myself. I decided to introduce one new tradition that will help me stay attentive to my deeper values and to my moms legacy. My kids decided to start telling their funniest Nana moments and we laughed till our cheeks hurt.
- Don’t…try become super-daughter/son/grandchild/sibling/friend. Know and honor your limits as best you can. If you honor your limits you will be less irritable. If you don’t feel like talking on the phone, don’t talk. If you don’t feel like going to that Christmas party, don’t go. Be present and be authentic with people.
- Don’t…spend your savings in order to have a Happy Holiday. I had to stop and look at my cart(s) with an “s” as I walked to the cash register in Toys R Us. I realized that I was making the excuse that the kids needed more, and more, and more stuff because their Nana has died. Be mindful that more gifts or more expensive presents do not mean a better holiday. Ground yourself in simple pleasures and in the basics that matter most to you.
- Don’t…disconnect or detach yourself from the activities that bring you joy or feed your soul. I love going to church, my Bishop and church family at Greater Anointing Tabernacle are loving and supportive. The past few weeks, I missed service because I was in a slump and felt uncomfortable. I allowed my mind to soak in loss instead of the hope and richness that feeds the deeper parts of my soul. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable. Pain is not confirmation of weakness but of strength and victory when recognized.
Hope this helps, feel free to share any do’s and don’ts you have.
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