Have you ever been in a situation where you are not sure what is going on and why? Have you ever been publicly embarrassed, humiliated and put to shame? Have you ever been on the receiving end of “constructive feedback” which felt more like an attack? Have you ever had an experience where the experience of a past wounding has re-surfaced?
Allow me to share a recent experience with you. My hope is that within my experience you will see opportunities for leadership development, mindset mastery and professionalism.
Here is a short story of what happened.
As I approached the floor to deliver my presentation, unscripted, unrehearsed, on purpose, straight from the heart and raw, I slowly started to cradle the hearts and minds of those who are on the road to success, yet not sure if it is their season. My presentation was titled “Permission to Succeed”. I shared the importance of giving yourself the okay to do what you were called to do without doubt, fear or guilt.
I shared several of my favorite stories. The first story related to the butterfly in the cocoon and understanding the importance of letting go and letting God. The 2nd story was about the lion and his pride and the importance of traveling with those who are in alignment with your vision. The 3rd was about missing an opportunity to earn 7 figures.
I highlighted the importance of seizing your blessing when presented. I emphasized the importance of placing ourselves in a position to actually receive the promises of God. I closed asking each audience member to give themselves permission to succeed.
As I was presenting the room was full of nodding heads, note takers, watery eyes and people who felt good to see that what they have been going through and growing through is part of the process. After being told to extend my presentation 5 min, I closed and proceeded to sit down, feeling as if God has used me as a vessel to get his message across once again.
As I approached my seat, a “leader” decided to provide “constructive criticism” right then and there. The thing is, her “voice” did not bring words that encouraged, empowered, and inspired, her voice felt like the enemy that has come to kill, steal and destroy. The “voice” spoke with a smile: “Your opening was great but……you would have had the opportunity to speak at my organization …….but now you’re not…you were all over the place…….. you need a coach, you are not a speaker…you are not the main speaker… here is my card email me and I will tell you more about what I thought!
Candidly I admit that I felt like crying. When I heard this voice, I began to cringe and my stomach began to knot, my throat started to get dry, this time the “voice” had a different face, different race, same “voice” that does not give constructive criticism but destructive criticism. She did not pull me to the side as a loving mentor. She did not speak in a manner that made me feel worthy to share my gift with the world. Her sharp criticism reminded me of another time when the “voice” rose up against me. I heard this voice the month I decided to drop out of corporate America and stand up for myself. My supervisor said the same thing using different words. The “voice” said, “Lucinda who do you think you are, no one cares about what you have to say, why don’t you stay within your job description, we don’t need your ideas, you are not in a position to…., you are not smart enough to …., I am the boss and you are the….no one cares who Lucinda Cross is, just stick to what I tell you to ….”
I walked into work every day with a positive attitude as I did with this presentation. 80% of the audience came to me personally to say thank you. My superiors at my job appreciated my creative ideas except for the “voice”.
· What do you do when you run into the past, with a different face?
· How do you handle an uncomfortable position?
· How do deal with public embarrassment?
· How do you respond to a person of stature that has used their tongue as a double edge sword?
I don’t profess to be a professional speaker, but I do profess to be a speaker with a message, inspiring, unscripted, raw, real and effective. I no longer seek perfection, but I do strive daily to serve at a high level of excellence. I must remember and I want you to remember as well, that you are valuable and precious and life is too short to worry about what people think about your gift, talent, skills and abilities.
I would love your feedback on this situation and how you would have dealt with this or have dealt with this in the past.
Written by : Lucinda Cross
My first response would be..God thank you so much for shutting that door and not putting me on that platform to let your light shine. Unfortunately, so many people are only thinking about what that person can do for me, rather than how can that person help to increase God’s kingdom. When you meet people with a different agenda than what God has ordained it is usually a sign to run and pray for the person. He will change their heart and if not then it’s best you did not have them slowing down His plan.
thank you so much for your words of wisdom Tera, I appreciate you.
I just want to say Lucinda, no matter the face, there always going to be haters out there, who wants to destroy you because they want to be you! I would have told her thank you and come again! and moved on with my head held high. I know you have encouraged me and so many others, your positive out weighs that one negative. Keep doing what you do best Lucinda and that is uplifting, empowering, women to be the best they can be.
Much Respect,
Lisa St. Brice
Thank you Lisa for your encouraging words, it is not easy looking the past in the face. We are victorious.
We are very similar Lucinda 🙂 I’m looking forward to the day we meet over lunch dinner or a day in NYC with the kids to connect.
I would have felt the same at the time it happened because people like us have hearts that are pure and truly want to help and uplift. When we give of ourselves the way we do, you want 100% of everyone to feel your heart and spirit. Of course intellectually we know that not everyone will feel you but still, your spirit wants to reach everyone. When someone comes with their own baggage but throws it on you, it’s like a dagger, like you gave YOUR best but it wasn’t good enough. I know the feeling and appreciate the way you felt b/c that was your emotion.
I would have felt like that too and I’m sure I would have went to the ladies room shed a tear or two, said a short prayer, cursed her out in my mind, prayed again and then went BACK to the person (the extreme Scorpio side of me) to share with her (through example of an effective way to offer criticism) why she made herself ultimately look like a fool and I wouldn’t accept her coaching if it were free. 😉 of course though said in love and respect and not out of fear, but to ensure she got the point that her focus is on the wrong thing. And have her walk away rethinking about HER methods.
One of my quotes from my book is “There is no beginning but the ALPHA and no ending but the Omega” therefore NO one here on earth has the right to tell you how YOU should proceed in being who you are. You (the lady who offered you “criticism” or anyone for that matter) are not the creator of professional speaking or coaching, you are the master of how to speak from your authentic voice, we all have the ability to create and reinvent but not begin and end.
Not sure what you meant by “face” but if I had to guess what you meant then that adds another layer to this.
Things like this is why many people have a false sense of who they are and how they perceive success and manage failure (I’m referring to people who have achieved earthly “success”). When we lose the spiritual connection to our professional journey’s this is the result. clearly People like us are connected 1st to the spiritual journey and not the man made journey.
I could go on and on but this feels like another book. LOL I will end by saying:
How does she know that you haven’t simply created a new style of speaking LOL…You’re 3008 she’s still 2000 and late 🙂 (a little humor at the end)
Let’s teach women about leadership 1st from the perspective of understanding the spiritual commands of leadership. God bless.
(if you want the uncut version of my reaction, let’s talk-lol)
This is what i am talking about, we need to watch how we show up as leaders. I love the 3008- 2000 and late you are hilarious. Thanks Katrina, I love your continued support and friendship.
Wow! Satan never fails to find willing vessels to try and take purpose-filled children of God! He is a defeated foe! God told us the weapons would form but not prosper! Keep moving in your purpose my sister! God’s got your back! If be for you, who can be against you! You are more than a conqueror! You in training for your next level in God and your business/ministry! “Eye has not seen nor ears heard the things God has prepared for those who love Him. All things work together for those who love God and are called for His purpose!!
Lucinda,
You are authentically gifted — you speak from the heart and your earnest and integrity is unmatched.
I appreciated your presentation because you, like me, give from a place of purity and it’s not always wrapped in bow (and some folks just ain’t ready).
That my sister … is a natural talent.
Take what the “leader” said and march on … when you are close to your appointment detractors will always be there to make you feel less than.
Can’t wait for ‘Brand New Mommy’ Mondays … haters here we come!
Thank you so much for your support. I appreciate you. I am looking forward to ‘Brand New Mommy’ Mondays…we are about to turn this season out to a fruitful one.
Lucinda, you are a true leader living in authenticity, integrity, and purpose. You are a bridge-builder… a woman sourced in unity and a clear understanding of the power of “we” . I am proud of you for recognizing that your sense of worth and well-being comes from within and not from those suffering from an inflated sense of self.
Let us pray for those who neither understand ot respect that words possess a powerful energy that may educate, uplift, encourage, inspire and empower or do the exact opposite. Continue to stand in your power and shine your magnificient and radiant Light.
I was one of the woman who sat next to you while you delivered your presentation. I personally was up and down because I was apart of this major event so my attention was constantly diverted to background matters of the event. I personally felt like God used you as a vessel to tell me It’s okay to want more out of life, It’s ok to dream and take charge of your life and career. Your words meant everything to me because although I may not have wanted to acknowledge in the past how much I have “Self Sabotaged” myself that I needed to “Give myself Permission to Succeed.” Your words was a confirmation to me and my quiet thoughts of doubt. I was aware of the conversation or “Alleged Construction Criticism” you were given. The Devil IS A LIAR! Just as God may use anyone or thing to deliver a message of hope, strength and wisdom, the Devil will slide in on any open territory to oppose that message. Your message was meant for me, and I thank you for allowing the spirit to use you to plant seeds of promise. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing and I appreciate every single word. God is good and to him goes all the glory. I am here to support you moving forward and appreciate you making a comment on this lesson that we all can learn from.
Thank you for sharing this story. My stomach drop when I read what she said to you but then I smiled. This validates that greater things are on the way for you and the devil wants to stir up old feelings within you. The devil either uses the same person or the same tatics to bringus down. He used a different person but with the same verbal, mental, emotional attacks that you may have experienced in the past. You are a mighty woman with an undeniable purpose in this world. Obviously, that lady hasn’t gave herself permission to proceed, pray for her. Keep doing what you are doing and keep your eyes on the prize. I thank God for you!
We must realise that some people criticise when we do something fine – NOT because we have failed, but so that the spotlight be turned on them instead. This – http://www.timesofmalta.com/articles/view/20110107/blogs/donkey-serenade.344271 – happens all the time, in different contexts.
(forgot this!)
It doesn’t matter who it is. You were not at work being this guy’s subordinate. I’m not here to tell you what you need to do either. I am however, going to tell you that youv’e got to tell it like it is to that person who is clearly using his power to verbally abuse you. Are you surrounding yourself with strong women who do not tolerate that sort of negative verbage that has no purpose other than to put you down? That’s what he’s doing. He’s looking for a reason to put you down. Maybe your speech was fine.
Thanks for the comment. It was a women and the audience responded very well.
Lucinda!
I say chew the meat and spit out the bones! If I were you, I would call her…and meet with her. I would also tell her how she made me feel that day and how her timing was awful.
She may have some very valid points (and she may have some things to say that will be helpful to you). But how we do things is just as important and why we do things. One of the reasons I record EVERYTHING is for training. I watch my own videos and presentations and look for ways to make them better.
Being one who has sat in many presentations (and given many). I have to say I have found that even when I want to free style my presentation, I still use que cards just to make sure I say on track. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment and get off track, a good speaker, knows how to pull back when the faces in the audience begin to say, “come on back!”
At the end of the day, you were not there to speak for her organization so who cares what she thought about your presentation. But I will say, always be open to hearing what others have to say. Someone else may have thought it, but not dared to speak it.
If you were satisfied with your presentation…that’s truly what matters. If you reached one person in the room that day, you did your job! Now all you need to permission to shake the dust off your feet and keep soaring!
Much love and success to you!
Happy New Year!